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Fall 2008
Civil Discourse
Ever since the advent of Red and Blue States, we hear and use the language of division. People have begun avoiding any mention of politics in the workplace for fear of alienating co-workers. We've begun to avoid crucial conversations, many times because one or more of the people involved simply don't know how to have the conversation. There is a better way—civil discourse.
The 7th and 8th definitions of "civil" in the unabridged Webster's Dictionary read "adhering to the norms of polite social intercourse, not deficient in common courtesy" and "marked by benevolence." Discourse is, of course, talk. After digging though all the definitions and synonyms, civil discourse is simply generosity of speech, holding the door open for another opinion to walk through.
Unfortunately, actual conversations sound more like this. "You're voting for who? I don't even know why we're friends if that's what you believe." The conversational door is shut, locked and barred with the person on the other side soundly dismissed. While politics is the example here, there are examples in business as well. "You're recommending that vendor? You can't be serious! Are you stupid or just cheap?" There was more to that conversation, but it would be uncivil to repeat it.
Achieving civil discourse in the workplace is simply returning to manners and polite behavior. When confronted with uncivil talk in the workplace, these behaviors will serve you well:
- Acknowledge the feeling
- Ask for a specific example
- Admit the possibility of truth
- If you must reject, reject the statement, not the person
Here's how that might go.
"You're recommending that vendor? You can't be serious; I thought you were smarter than that!"
"You sound annoyed by my choice. Can you give me an example of your experience with the vendor?"
"Last time we hired them for a project they came in over budget. Not only that, one of their guys parked his truck and blocked access to the side door."
"Is there anything else?"
"No but they shouldn't have blocked the door."
"Agreed. How much were they over budget?"
"They were over by about 3% and that hurt us."
"I appreciate you sharing your experience. My experience with them is much more positive. I used them when I worked with a different company and the vendor was on time and under budget."
"I still think you're making a bad choice."
"That may be. What I will do is look into the vendor to see if they have had internal changes that might account for our different experiences."
"That may be." Is a useful statement. It acknowledges the other person's truth and allows you to state your truth, which may be radically different.
Civil discourse is displaying a learning attitude toward the other person and respecting that his or her experience may be different from yours. After all, there is no harm in being generous, especially if you believe you're right.
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